What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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