Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
