OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
