I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
