Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
