I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
