Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
