Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
