new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
