I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
