Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
