Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
