my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
