Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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