Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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