I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
