Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
