haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
