Fine. I'll sleep in my office
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
