We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize