What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
