There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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