Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
