haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
