my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
