I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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