in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize