I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
