apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
