dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
