I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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