Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
