i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
