its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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