Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
