party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
