I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
