i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
