so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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