She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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