she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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