broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
