She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
