Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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