Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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