so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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