1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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