She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
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Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i think my cat just said my name.
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First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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