DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
