i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
