Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
