Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
