I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
