I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i was born a porn star she said
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
