can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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