its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
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I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
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Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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