R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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