Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
