my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
