ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
