I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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