You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
