I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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